IC inbox for Snowblind

[ecks]

This device belongs to Ecks. Messages dictated to it will be received by Ecks.

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Comments

[mrcreamsicles]

lmfao
no ecks my anomaly isnt santa
if it were then at least i could laugh at it
santas balls is just an expression trying to emphasize how fucking freezing it is here on the regular
because santa is from the north pole
which is pretty much as cold as cold gets
so his balls have to be pretty shriveled with it
note this down ecks its an important measure of temperature

[ecks]

Santa has balls
I think if a person intrudes into homes to leave presents that person must have balls
and also an ulterior motive
does having very cold balls mean something different than having balls generally?

[mrcreamsicles]

santas cold balls mean hes a heartless motherfucker
he carts around like hes got carte blanche to judge everybody to hell and back
by which i mean he keeps a literal list of people who fail to meet his specific moral standards
acts like hes god
but hes just an overgrown serial home invader who misuses the local wildlife

[ecks]

I have suspected this fact
giving a freezing person a single piece of coal is very cruel
also I suspect he is an emotionally parasitic being because that would explain why he leaves presents and provides behavioral requirements
unless he really is a god
gods do cruel things we do not always understand.

[mrcreamsicles]

nah hes not god
if were god he wouldnt need to enslave a bunch of elves to make presents for people
hes just like
some kind of snow demon
all hopped up on the fumes of his own ass
which is where his head is stuffed
figuratively speaking mind you
im pretty certain about the demon thing though
he makes pacts with parents for the right to judge their children
hence the ritualistic offering of milk and cookies

cw fantasy racist slur

[ecks]

he has flowersucker slaves?
I did not know this thing about Santa
I think I do not like it but that does explain how he has so many presents to give away
if he forms pacts and follows rules he is probably a devil, not a demon

cw fantasy racist slur

[mrcreamsicles]

flowersucker??
ill trust your expertise on the devil/demon distinction

cw fantasy racist slur

[ecks]

elves
that is what they are called

cw fantasy racist slur

[mrcreamsicles]

no im pretty sure elves are just called elves
besides these elves are up at the north pole
its snowy there like here
no flowers to suck even if they wanted to

cw fantasy racist slur

[ecks]

there are also not very many flowers in the Blasted Lands and that is where elves live

strange

[She never really thought about that.]

[mrcreamsicles]

what are the blasted lands

[ecks]

the Blasted Lands are lands that are blasted
elementals live there
that is where I am from except I am from the part where there are not elementals because there are angry ghosts instead

[mrcreamsicles]

sounds pretty brutal
im from texas
which is blasted with more humidity than satans asscrack and enough country music it should be illegal

[ecks]

is Satan's asscrack an important measurement regarding humidity?
also what country is the music from?

[mrcreamsicles]

yes it is
good job with your studies ecks a+
the country is the united states of america but thats not exactly what the country part of the name means
country is also like
the area between cities
where people have farms and ranches and stuff like that

[ecks]

A+ is more than perfect

[Wow! She's never gotten higher than a B before now!]

if that is what country is I have been to the country
but not that country

[mrcreamsicles]

ive got news for you ecks
youre in america
welcome to the us of a
and the admin already considers us citizens just by being here so you get to bypass all the complicated immigration laws
uncle sam says sup

[ecks]

who is uncle sam?
us of a what?
is Texas near Alaska?

[mrcreamsicles]

uncle sam is this dude in a dumb hat with a white beard who hassles you to join the army
once youre american hes automatically a legal member of your family
because if theres one thing i know about the average american family its that having a jingoistic blowhard who never shuts up about the military is standard
anyway
us of a is just the united states of america but with initials instead of full words
and texas is way down south of here and kind of east
so no its not nearby

[ecks]

I do not have a family
I do not want Uncle Sam in my family
I do not want to join the army and be a soldier
I do not want to kill people
I do not want Uncle Sam
I do not want
do not
no no no no

[mrcreamsicles]

oh shit
ecks listen i was lying
i meant it as a joke
uncle sam isnt your uncle or any other kind of family member
and he isnt any kind of real person either
hes made up
santa is also made up
theyre stories that represent ideas
you dont have to join the army or kill anyone ever again ok
im sorry

[ecks]

[For an uncomfortable minute or so there's no reply. And then:]

if it is a joke you have to smile after the joke like :)

[mrcreamsicles]

[Uncomfortable indeed. He didn't meant to fuck up, but he did, and the topic doesn't get much more uncomfortable than that. And when the message finally does come...]

if you want me to do that for you
then ok

[He doesn't much like tipping his hand, but for her he can compromise.]

ill still joke the regular way with other people
but if you want to ask about that when it happens i can clear things up for you that way too
i dont want to freak you out like that again

[ecks]

okay
I can ask if I am not sure
usually I ask and then Doctor House tells me I am a moron

[mrcreamsicles]

house is a jackass
and you can tell thats not a joke because i didnt smile after it
hes useful to know but being nice isnt something hes good at
and youre not a moron ecks
youre inexperienced compared to older people and you dont know all this modern stuff
plus you take things literally a lot of the time
being a jerk about those wont make them suddenly not a thing