[Kesara is profoundly wary of doing this. But she has spent the last two days thinking hard, and one conclusion has been that this needs doing. She does not shy away from what must be done. Not her, sir, no.
[Ecks knows she ought to have contacted Kesara by now to tell her that she had arrived with the food, but she has been doing some quiet, unhappy thinking of her own as she rests.]
No. I am not quite all right. I am tired and my head still hurts sometimes and Doctor House died again and I am angry.
[The tablet reads out the words in a flat tone - the same flat tone that Ecks uses often as not, but Kesara pictures the woman in her mind and it makes both her head and heart ache with empathy. This is why she reached out... though what does she really have to say?]
Thank you for the food. You're a great help, Ecks, I don't know if Dr. House properly told you how much. He wasn't as kind to you as he ought to have been.
[She isn't trying to put down House... much. Perhaps a little. Having hurt Ecks is just one more reason to resent him.]
[That does help, a little bit. At least someone appreciates the things she does. All she gets from House is scolding that she isn't exploring and then him going off and dying. She should have made him pinky swear that he would try harder to not die.]
I put the food in the cabinets because I do not feel able to carry it into the tunnel by myself. I think he is not very good at being a friend but he is good at other things and I would like for him to stop dying.
[Once she might have hesitated before telling Kesara what is on her mind, but they are not enemies now, and Kesara is also Doctor House's friend. She should know what Ecks suspects.]
He will not tell me where he is so I can go help him not die, and I think he is lying to me about what killed him. I do not think it was an anomaly. I think a person murdered him.
Don't worry about the food - we'll come and help you carry it in. It's hard going inside, though. So you mustn't go in if you're not sure you're fit.
[It's reasonable, she tells herself, not an attempt to exclude Ecks from the discovery. Anyway perhaps Ecks could be talked into no longer reporting to House. It sounds a little like it.
Would it be wrong to do that? Would that be using her? It's hard to tell. And the tension she feels only mounts up as Ecks continues to write. Of course House hides what happened.]
Why do you think that? Anomalies kill people all the time. [She has to be cautious with her denial. There are things Ecks doesn't know or understand, but she is not stupid.]
I will be fit soon but not when carrying this many supplies.
[It is a reasonable conclusion, and one Ecks has come to herself. She'd stopped in this dark house initially to take a day's rest and nothing more in order to ready herself for the harder traverse ahead, but even if she were not contemplating House's fate and the person she thinks responsible she has realized that she really cannot carry all that food through the ruins alone.]
Duster already tried to hurt Doctor House once. Doctor House wrote something about Duster that I know Duster would not want him to write, and Doctor House died the day after he wrote it. Doctor House does not know how to fight but Duster knows how to fight and kill.
[When three long seconds of silence have elapsed, Kesara realises that she can't afford to stay silent. She has to say something. And she has to lie.
She has to lie. if Ecks knows Duster really did kill House, there's no telling what she might do. Because she is Ecks. There's no telling - no -
Not unless someone else tells her what to do.
She fights to keep her voice even as she speaks, trying to buy herself time to work through this thought.] That's no sort of evidence, not when the town is so dangerous. And this isn't the first time Doctor House died either. He's not a careful man!
[It is sad that she has to be the one to tell Kesara what she thinks happened. She knows that it is difficult to hear.]
I know that he is not a careful man. He wrote something very bad for him to write. Something VERY VERY BAD for him to write that Duster said before he would hurt Doctor House for saying.
[There won't be any dodging this. If she had a grain of truth around which to build the lie to Ecks, then, perhaps - but a lie without a grain of truth is doomed to fail. And Ecks will keep pushing, doubting. Kesara draws a breath, her frantic thinking all but audible in it.]
Ecks... what are you thinking? If someone did murder Dr. House, what are you going to do?
[Ecks catches on less than Kesara might fear -- she hears that breath, but she still interprets it as Kesara being upset to hear it might not have been a mindless thing that killed Doctor House.]
I do not know what I am going to do. Doctor House will not let me come to him to stop him from being murdered again.
[That is a slip - the words, and the hint of fear in them. She has to get to the point.] I saw the thing Dr. House wrote about Duster. It really was bad. And he did it on purpose. Maybe he doesn't want you to come because... he thinks he deserves what he gets from it.
[Does Kesara know how bad it was? Probably not -- Ecks has no reason to suppose anyone who wasn't in that room knows what Duster is. No matter -- the girl finally seems to understand the grave possibility, and it is a secret Ecks cannot share even if Kesara did not take her seriously.]
Maybe.
[It's a strange thought -- letting oneself be killed because one deserves it. Is that what Doctor House is doing?]
Doctor House wants me to explore the tunnels. I do not know what else to do.
If that's what he wants you to do then... [she almost completes the sentence in the obvious way, but finds that she can't bring herself, for all her mixed feelings - about Ecks, about House, about the whole affair. If there is one truth here it is that House has not treated Ecks fairly. Ecks or anyone.]
I don't know if you should do what he tells you. He says vile things and he puts himself in danger, and he'd put you in danger too if he fancied it, I'm sure of that. Danger that you don't deserve.
I do not always do what he tells me to do. He does not always say vile things.
[It's important to explore. It would be important even if Doctor House did not tell her to do it. Right? So why doesn't she especially want to go do it right now?]
I know. [And that is part of the problem. There would be nothing to talk about if House were always vile.]
He's your teacher, and it's important to listen to your teachers. But they must listen to you as well. They must. Ecks - what do you want to do? If you can't go to him, and you don't want to explore the tunnels?
They are worth exploring. [Kesara can say that much, at least, with confidence. If Ecks is doing the exploring herself, for herself, not for House, then Kesara thinks she even wouldn't mind.]
It's the best thing to do. If, if you want to do it. It's better than going after Duster for what he's done - or not done, I mean. Going after him wouldn't make anyone happy anyway.
[Ecks's next message does not arrive immediately. She heard what Kesara said. She heard exactly what Kesara just said. If she had doubts before, if she hadn't seen through Kesara's talk before, that's over now.]
[It doesn't immediately sink in. Kesara is normally good at reading such meanings, but with the tablet's flat rendering she doesn't quite see the significant of Ecks's echoing phrase. Not at once.]
I've been speaking with Duster about what House had said before, and he -
[It's like a trickle of water through a crack, a funny feeling of wrongness building, building, and then it snaps. Icy horror floods Kesara's mind. Her tongue turns to lead. She thinks of a lie, and finds that she can't say it without stammering.]
[What Ecks is feeling now is something like betrayal. Hsiaoke has always been a subject of caution for her, even when they agreed they did not have to be enemies anymore, but she did not think the girl would lie to her about something so important.]
No! [That isn't a lie. It isn't a lie. Duster didn't say anything. It was all Mr. Solomons - no, he hadn't said anything either - she'd worked it out herself. And now Ecks has too. Duster only confirmed...
And now Kesara has, too. She has. It's her fault.]
Dr. House said it's done. He doesn't want anything more to do with it!
He's a liar, but he has ways to get what he wants. He has tricks. If he'd wanted someone to, to go after Duster, to get him, he'd have made it happen! He could have told everyone!
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@hsiaoke; voice; Day 137
Still, she sounds a little hesitant.]
Are you quite all right, Ecks?
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No. I am not quite all right. I am tired and my head still hurts sometimes and Doctor House died again and I am angry.
I brought the food to the tunnel.
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Thank you for the food. You're a great help, Ecks, I don't know if Dr. House properly told you how much. He wasn't as kind to you as he ought to have been.
[She isn't trying to put down House... much. Perhaps a little. Having hurt Ecks is just one more reason to resent him.]
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I put the food in the cabinets because I do not feel able to carry it into the tunnel by myself. I think he is not very good at being a friend but he is good at other things and I would like for him to stop dying.
[Once she might have hesitated before telling Kesara what is on her mind, but they are not enemies now, and Kesara is also Doctor House's friend. She should know what Ecks suspects.]
He will not tell me where he is so I can go help him not die, and I think he is lying to me about what killed him. I do not think it was an anomaly. I think a person murdered him.
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[It's reasonable, she tells herself, not an attempt to exclude Ecks from the discovery. Anyway perhaps Ecks could be talked into no longer reporting to House. It sounds a little like it.
Would it be wrong to do that? Would that be using her? It's hard to tell. And the tension she feels only mounts up as Ecks continues to write. Of course House hides what happened.]
Why do you think that? Anomalies kill people all the time. [She has to be cautious with her denial. There are things Ecks doesn't know or understand, but she is not stupid.]
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[It is a reasonable conclusion, and one Ecks has come to herself. She'd stopped in this dark house initially to take a day's rest and nothing more in order to ready herself for the harder traverse ahead, but even if she were not contemplating House's fate and the person she thinks responsible she has realized that she really cannot carry all that food through the ruins alone.]
Duster already tried to hurt Doctor House once. Doctor House wrote something about Duster that I know Duster would not want him to write, and Doctor House died the day after he wrote it. Doctor House does not know how to fight but Duster knows how to fight and kill.
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She has to lie. if Ecks knows Duster really did kill House, there's no telling what she might do. Because she is Ecks. There's no telling - no -
Not unless someone else tells her what to do.
She fights to keep her voice even as she speaks, trying to buy herself time to work through this thought.] That's no sort of evidence, not when the town is so dangerous. And this isn't the first time Doctor House died either. He's not a careful man!
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I know that he is not a careful man. He wrote something very bad for him to write. Something VERY VERY BAD for him to write that Duster said before he would hurt Doctor House for saying.
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Ecks... what are you thinking? If someone did murder Dr. House, what are you going to do?
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I do not know what I am going to do. Doctor House will not let me come to him to stop him from being murdered again.
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[That is a slip - the words, and the hint of fear in them. She has to get to the point.] I saw the thing Dr. House wrote about Duster. It really was bad. And he did it on purpose. Maybe he doesn't want you to come because... he thinks he deserves what he gets from it.
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Maybe.
[It's a strange thought -- letting oneself be killed because one deserves it. Is that what Doctor House is doing?]
Doctor House wants me to explore the tunnels. I do not know what else to do.
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I don't know if you should do what he tells you. He says vile things and he puts himself in danger, and he'd put you in danger too if he fancied it, I'm sure of that. Danger that you don't deserve.
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[It's important to explore. It would be important even if Doctor House did not tell her to do it. Right? So why doesn't she especially want to go do it right now?]
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He's your teacher, and it's important to listen to your teachers. But they must listen to you as well. They must. Ecks - what do you want to do? If you can't go to him, and you don't want to explore the tunnels?
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[She keeps asking what Ecks wants to do. That she cannot do it is running up against a sort of mental block.]
I will explore the tunnels when I feel well again.
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It's the best thing to do. If, if you want to do it. It's better than going after Duster for what he's done - or not done, I mean. Going after him wouldn't make anyone happy anyway.
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I do not know where Duster is. It is not practical to find him now.
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It isn't practical. And Dr. House doesn't want you to. He wants it to be over and done, just as Duster does.
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Both of them want it over and done?
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I've been speaking with Duster about what House had said before, and he -
[It's like a trickle of water through a crack, a funny feeling of wrongness building, building, and then it snaps. Icy horror floods Kesara's mind. Her tongue turns to lead. She thinks of a lie, and finds that she can't say it without stammering.]
He s- he said -
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Did Duster say that he killed Doctor House?
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And now Kesara has, too. She has. It's her fault.]
Dr. House said it's done. He doesn't want anything more to do with it!
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