IC inbox for Snowblind

[ecks]

This device belongs to Ecks. Messages dictated to it will be received by Ecks.

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[heavensreader]

[When three long seconds of silence have elapsed, Kesara realises that she can't afford to stay silent. She has to say something. And she has to lie.

She has to lie. if Ecks knows Duster really did kill House, there's no telling what she might do. Because she is Ecks. There's no telling - no -

Not unless someone else tells her what to do.

She fights to keep her voice even as she speaks, trying to buy herself time to work through this thought.] That's no sort of evidence, not when the town is so dangerous. And this isn't the first time Doctor House died either. He's not a careful man!

[ecks]

[It is sad that she has to be the one to tell Kesara what she thinks happened. She knows that it is difficult to hear.]

I know that he is not a careful man. He wrote something very bad for him to write. Something VERY VERY BAD for him to write that Duster said before he would hurt Doctor House for saying.

[heavensreader]

[There won't be any dodging this. If she had a grain of truth around which to build the lie to Ecks, then, perhaps - but a lie without a grain of truth is doomed to fail. And Ecks will keep pushing, doubting. Kesara draws a breath, her frantic thinking all but audible in it.]

Ecks... what are you thinking? If someone did murder Dr. House, what are you going to do?

[ecks]

[Ecks catches on less than Kesara might fear -- she hears that breath, but she still interprets it as Kesara being upset to hear it might not have been a mindless thing that killed Doctor House.]

I do not know what I am going to do. Doctor House will not let me come to him to stop him from being murdered again.

[heavensreader]

You still don't know if he was murdered.

[That is a slip - the words, and the hint of fear in them. She has to get to the point.] I saw the thing Dr. House wrote about Duster. It really was bad. And he did it on purpose. Maybe he doesn't want you to come because... he thinks he deserves what he gets from it.

[ecks]

[Does Kesara know how bad it was? Probably not -- Ecks has no reason to suppose anyone who wasn't in that room knows what Duster is. No matter -- the girl finally seems to understand the grave possibility, and it is a secret Ecks cannot share even if Kesara did not take her seriously.]

Maybe.

[It's a strange thought -- letting oneself be killed because one deserves it. Is that what Doctor House is doing?]

Doctor House wants me to explore the tunnels. I do not know what else to do.

[heavensreader]

If that's what he wants you to do then... [she almost completes the sentence in the obvious way, but finds that she can't bring herself, for all her mixed feelings - about Ecks, about House, about the whole affair. If there is one truth here it is that House has not treated Ecks fairly. Ecks or anyone.]

I don't know if you should do what he tells you. He says vile things and he puts himself in danger, and he'd put you in danger too if he fancied it, I'm sure of that. Danger that you don't deserve.

[ecks]

I do not always do what he tells me to do. He does not always say vile things.

[It's important to explore. It would be important even if Doctor House did not tell her to do it. Right? So why doesn't she especially want to go do it right now?]

[heavensreader]

I know. [And that is part of the problem. There would be nothing to talk about if House were always vile.]

He's your teacher, and it's important to listen to your teachers. But they must listen to you as well. They must. Ecks - what do you want to do? If you can't go to him, and you don't want to explore the tunnels?

[ecks]

I want to go to him.

[She keeps asking what Ecks wants to do. That she cannot do it is running up against a sort of mental block.]

I will explore the tunnels when I feel well again.

[heavensreader]

They are worth exploring. [Kesara can say that much, at least, with confidence. If Ecks is doing the exploring herself, for herself, not for House, then Kesara thinks she even wouldn't mind.]

It's the best thing to do. If, if you want to do it. It's better than going after Duster for what he's done - or not done, I mean. Going after him wouldn't make anyone happy anyway.

[ecks]

If we do not find the center of the spiral we will die. Exploring is important.

I do not know where Duster is. It is not practical to find him now.

[heavensreader]

[That's right. Good. This is exactly the thinking Kesara wants to encourage.]

It isn't practical. And Dr. House doesn't want you to. He wants it to be over and done, just as Duster does.

[ecks]

[Ecks's next message does not arrive immediately. She heard what Kesara said. She heard exactly what Kesara just said. If she had doubts before, if she hadn't seen through Kesara's talk before, that's over now.]

Both of them want it over and done?

[heavensreader]

[It doesn't immediately sink in. Kesara is normally good at reading such meanings, but with the tablet's flat rendering she doesn't quite see the significant of Ecks's echoing phrase. Not at once.]

I've been speaking with Duster about what House had said before, and he -

[It's like a trickle of water through a crack, a funny feeling of wrongness building, building, and then it snaps. Icy horror floods Kesara's mind. Her tongue turns to lead. She thinks of a lie, and finds that she can't say it without stammering.]

He s- he said -

[ecks]

[What Ecks is feeling now is something like betrayal. Hsiaoke has always been a subject of caution for her, even when they agreed they did not have to be enemies anymore, but she did not think the girl would lie to her about something so important.]

Did Duster say that he killed Doctor House?

[heavensreader]

No! [That isn't a lie. It isn't a lie. Duster didn't say anything. It was all Mr. Solomons - no, he hadn't said anything either - she'd worked it out herself. And now Ecks has too. Duster only confirmed...

And now Kesara has, too. She has. It's her fault.]

Dr. House said it's done. He doesn't want anything more to do with it!

[ecks]

Doctor House is a liar. Doctor House is bad at not dying and bad at not being murdered and he is a liar.

[heavensreader]

He's a liar, but he has ways to get what he wants. He has tricks. If he'd wanted someone to, to go after Duster, to get him, he'd have made it happen! He could have told everyone!

[ecks]

I know he does not want it. He lied to me and told me it was an anomaly and would not let me do anything.

[heavensreader]

You really mustn't do anything. No one wants you to do anything, Ecks, do you hear me? Dr. House would have ordered you to, if he knew. He surely would have.

[ecks]

I CANNOT do anything

[She's hitting a wall here. She mustn't, she can't. She doesn't even know what she even would want to do if she knew where Duster was and if Doctor House would let her.]

I understand.

[heavensreader]

[Cannot. And stressed, that way, too. Maybe she does understand. Maybe she does understand? Kesara's throat and ribs ache from holding her breath. This is what she meant to do, isn't it? To give Ecks an order? Has she done it? Has she fixed it?]

I'm sorry for what happened. I'm terribly sorry. But you must leave it now. You should wait for us instead in the tunnel. We'll come and look after you.

[ecks]

[Look after her. Does she need looking after?

Must leave it. She has her orders. She doesn't know what else she might do, much as it aches and makes her sick, and so for the moment, not knowing yet just how close by Duster is, she grudgingly acquiesces.]

acknowledged.
i will wait.