IC inbox for Snowblind

[ecks]

This device belongs to Ecks. Messages dictated to it will be received by Ecks.

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@Ecks | audio

[ecks]

[What is this? Why this, why now? Ecks listens to the little voice, confused and then sad and then frustrated. None of this is revealed in her voice.]

I do not want to kill anyone. I do not have to kill anyone.

[heavensreader]

[She doesn't know how to deal with that flat voice. She never knows, and it keeps haunting her, about Ecks. It's part of what makes the nightmare. She can't see inside, she can't understand.]

Do you really mean that? Or are you only saying that? Do you mean anything you say or are you only using words you've heard?

[ecks]

[That stings, too, and this time Ecks makes a very deliberate effort to expres it. Her words come out at increased volume, the syllables stressed and harsh and unnatural.]

I am not in Winter's room. I am a person.

[heavensreader]

[Finally, finally, it feels like a layer of ice has broken. It feels like she's hearing Ecks for the first time. Kesara almost reels with the force of the change.]

Now you sound like a person!

text

[ecks]

[In some small way, Ecks feels proud of herself. She can't enjoy what she might otherwise take as a compliment, though, not when it means Kesara thinks she does not sound like a person normally. This is why she did not want people to hear her voice at all. Not when she can only imitate and guess at what a person is supposed to sound like, not when she knows that imitation will be recognized for what it is. Non-people imitate, too.

Abruptly, she changes over to text.]

i have always been a person

[heavensreader]

[The switch back frustrates her beyond words, but only for a moment. She understands much better now. The switch is itself the tone.]

Ecks... are you afraid of me?

[ecks]

i am not afraid of you
you are a child and small
and not good at fighting

[She just doesn't know what to do with her. She doesn't know what to do with any of this.]

[heavensreader]

I don't mean - not afraid I'll kill you. I mean -

[Something a little too adult for her yet. She doesn't quite understand, but thinks Ecks might not quite understand, either.]

You're afraid of not being a person, aren't you?

[ecks]

[It's not a secret. Not exactly, not when she tells people over and over that she is a person. It is bad to share your weaknesses, but this is not such a secret.]

I am a person.
you cannot make me not be a person
no one can make me not be a person
even if you think i do not sound like a person

[heavensreader]

But you don't.

[She is afraid. Kesara can hear that all through the tablet's flat voice. And this is the last, the only bit of power she has over Ecks. Over the nightmare of dying by Ecks's hand. And it's something she can feel for. It's being afraid that makes Ecks feel something like human.]

Everyone will say you don't. You have to learn how. You can get better at it. Better at doing person things.

[Real or not, her nightmare can be tamed.]

[ecks]

I know.
they always said that.

I am trying.

[But she is not trying very much, lately.]

[heavensreader]

[Kesara takes a deep breath. The knot is just about tied. If it works, it'll be a very good trick.

Even if she's really playing it on herself.]

Do you want me to help you, Ecks?

[ecks]

[The reply is long in coming. Does she want that? She wants to learn, but she has never understood this child.]

Yes.
Why?
Why would you help me?

[heavensreader]

Because I want you to be better. [It's not a lie, it's not a lie, it's not a lie.] I know you like Dr. House very much but there are things he can't teach and he is, I think, he is not as good a teacher as you deserve. You try so hard. I think you deserve good help.

[ecks]

He teaches me many things.
he taught me about electricity
and comebacks
and he does not cut me open.

[Those right there are the criteria for a good teacher.]

You would help me?
With speaking like a person?

[heavensreader]

No one should cut you open! [Her horror is sudden and sharp, and moves her to total sincerity. She only has a vague understanding of Ecks's nature, and she has not understood that to be a part of it. Is that why she was so skittish at the beginning? Is that why she was afraid of Kesara pulling her knife?]

People don't cut other people open, Ecks. Not good people and not even most dead people. Oah, there's so much you don't understand! I'll help you. Please, let me help you.

[ecks]

[Ecks is taken aback by Kesara's vehemence. No one? People keep saying that. She's beginning to think that's what is true for all these people who keep saying it.]

people cut other people open where I am from



I will let you help me